Scribbles from my Journal

“Emails are good but parcels and post are better”

About My best Friend

I have told you about Mrs Lewis. For those of you,  whom have been following my previous post.

To you who might be new or not up to date. Mrs Lewis is my best friend for 19 years and counting. Sure? You are forgiven but do catch up. A great place to start is Sticky Situations in Sandton. Click above for all and more. Sticky Situations in Sandton

Nudge Nudge Wink Wink I share post at least every week.

My best friend just got married nearly a year ago.  To me it will always feel like just yesterday. The Jodie Johnson who I knew since Primary School then became Mrs Lewis . She has truly been my first love. By first love I mean the one particular person outside of my family who I just absolutely adored. We were inseparable and then life happened. Our parents always said we would grow apart and we surely had our differences.  We had our “not on speaking terms” experiences . I guess this really prepared us for the “till death do you part”sequel of our friendship.

We had different groups of friends at school. We were never the type who felt the need to be with each other 24/7. When all our other friends eventually went home. We would find each other and get totally zen with our candy coated dreams.

Currently our worlds are slightly far apart. We live in different cities and shes married with a kid and I am not. In a nutshell our schedules are completely off and she doesn’t own a cellphone anymore. Communicating has been a struggle.

The magic that glued us together  then were our letters and best friend notes. Even though we have our baes for more than 5 years. Our relationship endured more than any obstacle “the baes “throw our way. We have lived through each others heartache and triumphs. We unconditionally choose to stand by each other nude in flaws.

You know those friends who don’t need to see each other every day but when they meet its like they last hanged out yesterday. We have that vibe. Letters and notes to each other has been our saving grace.  She still keeps all our notes since we were kids.

 

 

Recently I have been feeling out of touch with her mostly but so have I with myself. I feel like all I do is live in this routine bubble of work and my off days. Maybe it is homesickness  or side effects of adulting. I guess adulting has started feeling  like such a choir. At times like these it is best to revert to some of your kiddo ways. I decided to take up writing letters again.

This time not particularly to my best friend but my God child, her daughter. I thought it would be a fun read for her. To address the letter to our kiddo. I hope that it will be nostalgic for our friendship.

I had a letter posted to her today.  My first posted letter yay! I did my best by being all kiddo about it. In the manner we use to glamorize our notes.

Comment down below if this is nostalgic for you, have you ever had a pen pal or do you agree that there is nothing better than a friendship letter.

 

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Youtube Releases

That Youtube thing

Haaaay cuties

Its nice to catch up with this blog space honestly its so much fun to just write and share stuffies . I love reading through my experiences and borrowing them to someone else .
As you might have learned in my previous post I never liked sharing  my feelings with people. I always leaned onto the arm of art or  would simply keep things to myself  up until it was finally safe for me to have closed journals. (Safe in the sense of just living on my own and not having anyone read through my journal at home.)
Because I have experienced so much fun stuff you know like finally cashing in that savings using it all and then having to stare at the reality of loosing your job with nothing to fall back on. Or the time when small opportunities built character and added a ton of confidence within me. Those things I have learned are worth sharing for the heart that is meant to read through my story.
With that said I am trying to step out of my comfort zone and embrace my mistakes , trials and errors and I want to document them in a fun way. I started my Youtube Channel in late 2016 . It wasn’t too bad but hay it could have been better. After my Sticky Situations in Sandton ( first blog post)I picked up on it and have ever since created this blog space. I kept on being consistent with the youtube channel.
The channel is not based on monetization or a numbers game. I just want to build a channel for the heart that is meant to watch it. I have made a goal to upload weekly so that I have consistency on the YouTube station. I would love to  grow into being better however I have realized that I lack structure.
Structure
Structure is what I want to share with you today . Previously in my last post I shared that I always knew what I didn’t want  for myself but wasn’t ever sure of what I actually wanted . During a difficult time I had learned that it is more important to focus on what you do want than the things you don’t.  I have since used that to determine why I do whatever I choose . If there is anything you take away from this post I hope that you vividly see how important it is to not focus on the things you don’t want but to stand firm with what you do . I will add that it is important to find a sense of  structure This will promote consistancy and a timeline where you can check in on your goals and achievements.
Look forward to my youtube video coming soon on the Restructure of the channel and finding my branding style.
While you patiently waiting…
here are a few of my go to youtube channels if you curious to see who I am obsessed with lately
Local Channels

Daddy Tube – YouTube

We are your friendly South African Vlogging Family. We care about family life and helping other families in this process where we are also learning. We are d…

Sam Wright – YouTube

My name is Sam “Tech Girl” Wright. I started out as a technology blogger. I now have a blog called Tech Girl (www.techgirlblog.com) which covers all things g..

Defining Dennis – YouTube

Defining Dennis is a journey of self-discovery. In a Nutshell: This is Dennis’ very own 0Journal! DON’T FORGET TO SUBSCRIBE, LIKE, COMMENT, AND SHARE!

International Channels

Li0nsmane – YouTube

Hi! Im Aslan and this is where I make cooking and DIY videos.

CaseyNeistat – YouTube

Hi, I live in New York City and love YouTube. some FAQs Q. what’d i shoot that with A; BIG CAMERA; http://amzn.to/1MIJUGK WIDE LENS; …

IISuperwomanII – YouTube

Spent thousands of dollars on tuition, graduated and got a degree. I make YouTube videos now. I am also a happy unicorn that believes in one love. Join me on.

Videos · ‎About · ‎Playlists · ‎Channels

Tanya Burr – YouTube

Check out my blog: http://tanyaburr.co.uk For business enquiries, please contact Tanya@gleamfutures.com.

Tanya Burr

Check out my blog: http://tanyaburr.co.uk For business enquiries …

Channels

Channels. About. Grid. List. Featured channels. Jim …
Scribbles from my Journal

When we lost our Romance A young love with Shaka Series

If you love reading about date night ideas and the truth behind it this post is for you, comment share and do enjoy

Who the heck is Shaka? Shaka is my bae for 7 years and counting

The definition of Shaka

The shaka sign, sometimes known as “hang loose”, is a gesture of friendly intent often associated with Hawaii, surf culture, and public school pride.

Shaka, founder of the Zulu Kingdom of southern Africa,also known as Shaka Zulu, was one of the most influential monarchs of the Zulu Kingdom.

why do I call him Shaka? Apart from the obvious definitions,  I have only started calling him Shaka since 2014 .We performed that year at the AFCON Opening ceremony together and his performing costume was themed brave warrior that of “Shaka”

As a continuation from my Two Chapters “Giving up and Moving back to Cape Town (check my most recent post at Scribbles from My Journal) if you havent . This post will detail the story of when we lost our romance.

Now by the title of this post you would normally assume “we lost our romance” because of something he did or something I had done. However this was not the case.

here is an extract from what I am referring to:

Giving Up and Moving back to Cape Town

I had nothing left just a hopeful payment if I still had a job. I felt broken and I couldn’t fix myself as much as Shaka stood beside me nothing he said was comforting to me . This challenge was not about him being compassionate or trying to find comfort in him.This was about finding comfort in myself and learning how to be strong…..

Believe  it or not I don’t share how I feel with people hence the change in my life for blogging now. I hardly share deep stuffies face to face unless you Mrs Lewis (best friend for 19 years). Even after dating Shaka for 7 years there is still things I choose to journal than share with him….

…I had no confidence in myself and wanting to quit day after day were the hardest hours I  had hang on to. Loosing the romance between shaka and I was because of my lack of faith in everything . It was either a make or break turning point for us.

In a nutshell it wasn’t something he had done or that I did which was the cause of loosing our romance. Ever since I wangled myself out of that experience I vowed to nurture our sense of romance no matter what.

It was brutal and an awkward time. No matter how cautious and gentle he was towards my dark time nothing he had done or said felt affectionate to me. That experience which life throws at you could test your sincere response to the person you love. The funny thing is we not casually romantic but we pretty much the affectionate type. We hold hands and use our love languages to our full advantage but during this time we didn’t bother because of how tensed I was feeling all the time.

What date Nights have become

We both enjoy good food and Sushi Date Nights are a ritual especially during that weekend after we get paid. This is a guilty pleasure splurge. We found this place in Rivonia called Kayami. The best Shushi bar in Sandton. We normally hang out there on date nights and order a variety of everything appetizing. I actually love ordering in from them too and just creating a sushi bar atmosphere at home. We chat about how we have grown as indivuals and what we want in moving forward . Date nights no cellphones allowed unless they on flight mode to just take pictures. Here are a few shots of our recent order in, with my own crockery.

I am not always daring to rock a crop top but considering that it was the last few days of Summer I was bold anyway.

Ootd below

Now true scheduling date nights you kinda want to have money and not budget on the bill or trim on the “glamed”date night idea. That’s why lately I have tried pulling off sweet treats during the week.

Simple dessert talk below.

Autumn and the sense of winter is at our front door. It has been chilly lately and I am not hyped about being out and about with these weather conditions especially at night.  So after a work day or when we have to do work stuff on weekends making the effort for something special is pretty valuable . I run a bubbled bath with lavanda essential oils. The heater is on and our snacks are laid out with a simple dinner at home.  I love ending the evening off with a marvelous dessert.

The following desserts has been winners for those date night’s lately 

Melk kos

Caramel Fridge Tarts

Custard with jelly refrigerated with fresh fruit

And lastly that Cremora Tart I am trying to perfect

Date nights are key and after I vowed to keep our sense of romance a priority it adds value in how I catch up with him despite having a bad day. It calms our pace . Setting is everything getting out of the house change your mood or even staying in but setting a date night tone can be refreshing. Date nights honestly became a thing after my first year in Sandton. Something difficult can always blossom into a way of doing better. When you know better you do better.

#findingyourromance

Scribbles from my Journal

Giving Up and Moving back to Cape Town

CHAPTER 2

Believing in myself again because of small opportunities 

According to my closed journal ooooh lets spill the juicy bits out JK. I ended up going home for a few days , It was October the 25th I was just about to board on a flight back to Sandton.  I had  just passed through that stormy season and had managed to push through it ,while still maintaining  my job. No doubt this was a scary time for me I didn’t want to disappoint anyone .
Now after you moved to a different city and you travel back to your home town. Things feel different you grew accustomed to a lifestyle on your own.  The homes around Sandton are way bigger than what Mitchells Plain felt like. Hearing the stories of a shooting in the Promanade (local shopping center) wasn’t pleasant and realizing I cant walk alone to the bus stop was just again different not something new but it just feels different. My trip home truly affirmed why I need to keep pressing through any difficult experience in Sandton. (BTW catch up on the Sticky Situations in Sandton Post if you haven’t )
My choice to remain hopeful opened a doorway of small opportunities.  I was on a television show called Step Up and Dance thanks to Anuq Wilson who had no idea what I had just gone through. I auditioned for NYFA Acting for Film 3 Year BFA degree course. I received a partial scholarship of $8000 . I started meeting my targets at work and got sort of promoted to work in other areas . I was doing way better than I was in terms of being exposed to other opportunities in my line of work and the experience “back office “. I got to Meet Lynn Stevens one of the economic pulses I researched for a High School Project. I toured Alexander Forbes had breakfast on the top floor walked into their boardrooms. This has got to be a major highlight just the opportunity to job shadow her turned from a few hours into 2 days and then a life changing moment. I knew then and there that I am made for way more than I can imagine .I had no right being in that building meeting an executive and being escorted by her private chauffeur and personal assistant. Getting her cellphone number and being invited for lunch with her outside of Forbes was more than I could ask for.I am sure this experience nothing has topped yet. Forever grateful I could go on and on.
The next step was realistically getting into NYFA this was going to be my 3rd attempt to further my education. Lets hold that thought we will continue in another post. Things were getting better than I had hoped . At the time I just wanted to find hope and I got way more in return. I was so fixed on what I didn’t want to become  and never realized well what is it that you actually want to do with this life Tarron ?
I made a promise to myself I wont move back home unless I cant cover rent or if I really really had to for the time being.
I shared that I moved for the opportunities however I never planned on staying in Sandton forever this was a stepping stone for moving across the Ocean . The moment I auditioned for NYFA I thought this had to be the break through. My first Blog Post “Our treasure lies in the beehive of our knowledge” truly prepared me for this experience . Never quit on yourself find a way to accept that life will throw everything at you and it is okay to be close to giving up but just don’t. Keep holding on!
Scribbles from my Journal

Giving Up and Moving back to Cape Town

We did the best we could

Haaaay cuties Its been a while since I shared something from my open journal-ed section. I hope that this space is as therapeutic for you as it is for me. If this adds confirmation for you in any way or awakens your truth leave it in the comments.  It will make me feel less weird JK but no really do comment!
I threw in the towel and was ready to move back home more than once. Let me refresh your memory for those of you who read my first post or for those of you who are New. FYI I have this blog post in two chapters in case you get bord okay Leg Go!
 
CHAPTER 1
Re-positioning 
I moved away from Cape Town in 2015 and Sandton JHB has been my home ever since. I clearly moved for opportunities. My position at my employed  company was going to be better in terms of the hours and experience. At the time I didn’t care about the money I believed I wouldn’t be with the same company for too long. I told myself I would be bound to find tons of work opportunities with my enthusiasm and volunteered experience. I could juggle interning and being exposed to media and art opportunities in the hub of South Africa’s media campus. Already then it was a no brainier choice as to why I absolutely should move. (clearly in Cape Town this “juggle” was a struggle) The television network and radio stations were not able at the time to nurture my volunteer efforts )The timing was off my retail hours were till 9 pm.
Shaka the bae would have no struggle with getting job security in his line of work. In cape Town he worked 3 jobs to earn just the portion of our rent in Sandton now. He worked at a private art school, gigs would be rare ,he worked at Dance for All and did everything he could to start his own academy off the little he was earning.
I would say we pretty smart kids with big dreams , I would like to think candy coated though because just why not everyone else seems to loose their sense of wonder when it comes to being hopeful for something hopeless. For a long time we were both rolling in the deep at our young age . I was 20 at the time we decided to move . This step re-positioned the both of us .
When its not like you think
I might not always be right or confident and powerful but I am super faithful and my burning desire to thrive in everything I do trumps any obstacle normally. Look a lot of people told me not to move not because of their lack of faith but more because they didn’t think I was ready or could be there to catch me if I had to fall. I totally get that and could now sympathize with each of them more than ever. I am not going to lie yes I was sacred but then again if you knew me you would know, I am generally scared of everything.  I was scared of traveling on a bus by myself , afraid of being on the road at night . By all means everyone had the right to be afraid for me . However my desire to take the chance was stronger than anything I could fear and I did it!
 I was afraid during the whole flight. As soon as we landed things seemed exciting and new . The scenery was way bigger and people were sooooh freak-en friendly. I soon realized oh fudge all we have is a suite case full of clothes, my 6 months savings. One blanket and two tuber-wear buckets.
We slept on a couch ( note not a sleeping couch) for 4 weeks and eventually found a place. Everything was great until being together with” shaka ” 24/7 weighed in .Going through the stress of finding a place . When the savings dried up and having my first panic attack away from home was the most difficult experience for me . Finding work in Jhb is not as easy as you think.
The time I was broken
I lost it completely 6 months in. I wasn’t earning the same amount of money I did at the branch I transferred to. I was put on probation after my first 3 months. I was in hospital twice. There were a few people who bluntly had told me I would only last 3 months in JHB. That really stuck in my head. Already at 6 months in during this awful time I had felt like I failed. I applied like crazy to any place that had vacancies because I thought my employed  company was going to let me go. Not one interview came through or a successful response . I still have the emails stashed we regret your application has been unsuccessful there are about 120 of them and counting.
I had just used all the money I had on crockery and bedding etc, I had nothing left just a hopeful payment if I still had a job. I felt broken and I couldn’t fix myself as much as Shaka stood beside me nothing he said was comforting to me . This challenge was not about him being compassionate or trying to find comfort in him.This was about finding comfort in myself and learning how to be strong.
 I didn’t absorb being home sick because everything was happening so fast, I was trying to get in to college which was right next to my work. To study Production Media Management part time. I had filled in all the forms did the math knowing the budget I had . I couldn’t come up with the fees in time if you read my previous post you will know that this blow wouldn’t be a first. Now that my salary hasn’t increased it made it a lot harder to apply to any institution to further my studies.
I was now re-positioned to pay rent and survive in a different city on my own.  My family is not the sort that will let you suffer but my pride to not ask for help was sharpening my in-dependency. Finding the balance with being independently healthy and knowing when its okay to depend on others was one of the most crucial lessons around this experience.
Believe  it or not I don’t share how I feel with people hence the change in my life for blogging now. I hardly share deep stuffies face to face unless you Mrs Lewis (best friend for 19 years). Even after dating Shaka for 7 years there is still things I choose to journal than share with him. When I shared the truth about what was happening in my 6 months of moving to Jhb. The people I became vulnerable with begged me to come home. Shaka then helped me find a flight but the arms I leaned on expected me to move home and not just find hope for a few days . Shaka was committed to following through on the promises we made and if you know him his unshakable when it comes to anything he believes in. At that point I realized it cant get any worse than this. I was prepared to loose my job my mommy sent me money to get me to the hospital and literally for the nights we had no food. We could at least cover the rent but if I could just hang on a little while longer I could get through it . The worst that could happen is just move home anyway right.
Did we do our best
Yes it was hard for me to see the disappointment I saw in the mirror. I use to give my grandparents who raised me half of my salary and 6 months in I couldn’t do it anymore. That crippled me , I had no confidence in myself and wanting to quit day after day was the hardest hours I hanged on to. Loosing the romance between shaka and I was because of my lack of faith in everything . This was either a make or break turning point. My choice to give up and move home could have turned out so differently who knows? You could always guess I suppose. We made do with what we had and slowly but surely opportunities came flooding through. Small opportunities flooded hoops of hope and restoration to believe in myself again.
TO BE CONTINUED